Following repeated attempts to compromise the integrity of Simjunkies, the CIA have finally able to track down the perpatrator to a tastefully appointed cave just outside Salt Lake City....

A late night altercation with a Sheffield badger has uncovered unsavoury goings on in the pantry, as Portly tea lady and exotic dancer, Auntie Lard (who has always maintained that her baps are one hundred percent natural) has become embroiled in another scandal this week...